Things I Do + Don't DO as a Mom

Hey there hi there ho there!

Welcome back, I'm so glad that you're here!

Happy MAY! For the entire month of May we are talking about all things motherhood! I'm really excited about this month as I LOVE talking about mom stuff. I'll be sharing some fun Spring/outdoor activities to do with your kiddos, my postpartum depression + anxiety experience and tips, and just some general encouragement for you as a mama! I'm PUMPED! Today I'm going to share things I do and don't do as a mom. Now, I've only been a mom for 18 months! I am still learning SO MUCH and I know I will be for the rest of my life as a mom. I also am not saying that any of these things are the right way to do things. You have to do what you feel is the best for your family, and there aren't a lot of rights and wrongs in parenting. I also want to say that even though I'm saying these things now, that doesn't mean I won't learn more and do things differently later on. I just wanted to clear that up, haha. This post isn't meant to make you feel guilty if you do or don't do any of these things! I just want to share to share! Maybe you'll add some of these into your own life, maybe you'll feel more confident in the things you do. I hope you enjoy this post!

Things I DO:

1 // Say No

It's kind of the trend to not tell your kids no. I understand why, but I've learned that sometimes I just have to tell them no. I realized that God tells me no sometimes, and that it is okay for me to tell my kids no sometimes to. I always try to go into an explanation of why they can't do something, and let them know it's okay to be upset that I said no. But I don't think saying no to your kids is wrong! Life is full of no's, and that's not always a bad thing.

2 // Stay Home A Lot / Stick to Our Schedule

Maybe it's the new mom in me, or the twin mom, but we don't go out! We get groceries on Monday, we hit the Library on Friday, and occasionally we go out as a family on Saturdays. The majority of the time we stay home and I prioritize naps! I know of moms who go out every day of the week and let their kids nap wherever they are and that works for them, not for me. Naps are important to having happy, healthy kids! I NEED them to nap well so they sleep well at night. I have zero regrets and will continue this. My kids did not sleep their first year of life, even though I was super strict with their schedule then, and I am not going to mess that up. I also just genuinely enjoy being at home with them. It's a LOT of work to take them out, so I just do what we have to do until Josh can come with us.

3 // Let Them Make a Mess!

Ya girl doesn't have time to clean up after my kids 24/7! I let them make a mess. As long as it's not dangerous or costly, they can pull it out. Sometimes I am more strict with this when I'm just not in the mood, haha. I let them pull all their toys out and make a mess. I have a couple of clean up times throughout the day, but other than that I let them be!

4 // Let Them Fight It Out

I learned this from another twin mom (Natalie Bennet on Youtube) but I let the boys fight it out! I honestly didn't expect the fighting to start so quickly and be so intense and often, but they fight a. lot. Unless they are hurting each other, I try not to interfere right away. They need to learn to work things out themselves! When I do interfere I try to explain ways they can both play together with something, and other times I just have to separate them. I want them to learn to figure it out themselves because they will be living together for the next 18 years (at least!) and I don't want to constantly refereeing their fights. The sooner they learn to work through their conflicts alone the better. I plan to talk through fights with them more as they understand more, but for now I just let them figure it out and endure the screaming as much as I can.

5 // Involve them with chores

Doing this before 1 year is pointless, okay!? But once they can walk and understand things, they can join you in chores! I started with dusting, I just gave them a cloth and showed them how to rub it on the furniture. I tried having them help me unload the dishwasher and it didn't go well, so I waited a month and now they do a great job! They also help me put laundry through the washer, and we are working on picking up their own toys. They LOVE helping me with chores and it provides entertainment for them while I'm able to actually be productive. It takes patience, extra time, and there is a learning curve, but it's worth it!

6 // Apologize and Pray with them when I Mess Up

Being a mom is hard and there a lot of moments where I am far far from perfect. There are many times when I react wrong, raise my voice, or just act more harshly than I should. I try my best to find my calm, humble myself and apologize to them. I also pray outload and ask the Lord for forgiveness when I messed up. Not only does it heal MY heart and help me move on from the moment, but I also want them to see that moms mess up and make mistakes too, and that's okay! I want them to be able to apologize to me and others when they feel like they've messed up. I want to be an example of humility and gentleness and forgiveness to them. I don't want to them to wallow in their own mistakes, but apologize, seek forgiveness and do better next time.

THINGS I DON'T DO AS A MOM:

Now here are some things I don't do as a mom!

1 // Constantly Entertain Them

I let my kids get bored. I don't constantly entertain my kids. I don't do a lot of sensory activities, I don't have the TV on, I don't do a lot of entertaining! I do spend concentrated times during the day playing with them (because they need connection with me at this young age, it helps with their behavior SO MUCH!) and I will stop and read with them whenever they ask. However I don't work hard to entertain them. I let them play independently as much as possible and do specific activities once in a while. I want them to be independent, creative, imaginative little kids and they need time to figure out how to do that on their own! If they are crying for me to play with them while I'm trying to do something (like cleaning or cooking) I remind them that my job is to be a mom and theirs is to play. Even at 17 months they will go and play when I say this! I let them know I will come play with them when I finish my task. I will be doing a post on how to teach your kids to play independently!

2 // Let Them Watch A Lot of TV / Have Their Own Device

I don't let my kids watch TV expect on rare occasions and the weekends! I've done a lot of reading about how TV affects kids brains, attitudes, behaviors, independence, and imagination. I don't see the point in having my little toddlers watch TV! I know this will change as they get older and can ask for it more, and if we have another baby I know I will use the TV more with the newborn life. For now, they don't watch tv. I also do not let them have their own ipad, play on mine or my phone! They are KIDS, they don't need to be sucked into a device. I want them to PLAY, create, adventure. I'm definitely not anti-tv, but I am avoiding it as much as absolutely possible.

3 // Have a Lot of Toys

We definitely go more minimally with toys. We do this for a lot of reasons, but I am going to do my best to keep it this way! They get less overwhelmed with choices, clean up is easier for ME (and will be easier for them when they are able to clean up after themselves), and their room isn't crammed with toys since we don't have a play room. I'm going to keep going with this as long as I can!

4 // Run to Them for Every Cry

I can say this is definitely the advantage of being a twin mom as a first time mom. Especially when they were tiny, I often didn't have a choice and they had to learn that mama has to tend to something else the other twin's diaper change, feeding, etc...) for a minute while they cry a bit. I know this goes against the whole gentle parenting vibe, but as a twin mom it is often unavoidable. Now that my boys are toddlers, I will ensure they are safe, finish my task, and then tend to them. Sometimes they resolve whatever is going on on their own and sometimes they don't, and that's okay. We also had a very very terrible experience with sleep because I would run to them quickly in the middle of the night (this is a whole other post in itself), but once I started letting them cry for a bit and try to figure out how to fall asleep on their own, they did start figuring it out and life got much better.

5 // Cook with My Kids

I don't cook with my kids! It's stressful, and by the time dinner comes around my patience is almost gone. I just want to get dinner on the table so that we can all chill out in the living room. I don't see the point of teaching my 1-2 year olds how to cook?! They don't need this skill!? Occasionally I will bake with them, but I don't really let them cook with me and that's FINE. MAYBE if there was only one of them I would, but I will introduce this to them when they are a bit older and can understand things a bit more. Don't feel bad if you don't either haha.

These are the things I do and don't do as a mom! I know as I learn and grow and as my kids learn and grow these things will change but it was kind of fun to sit down and think through specific choices I make as a mama.

Do we have anything in common? What are some things you do and don't do as a mom? I'd love to here, leave a comment below!