November

It’s November 9 today and it’s been yet again a very long time since I’ve written. I feel the drain that the lack of writing has had on my life and yet I am in no place to begin tackling the mountain of writers block. Seeing as how I feel like I can barely keep up with necessary tasks, tasks that feed my soul fall by the wayside with the exception of reading books. That is only because I think my soul would surely shrivel up and die entirely if I stopped reading books. I’m not a fast reader and by no means will break any records for how many books I read in 2024, but always reading I am.

What’s life looked like since January?

I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl in March (whose birth story I still want to finish, now that I’ve had time to process what felt like a personal failure). Since then in an even higher degree, motherhood has been all consuming. But in the best of ways. While I’m not regularly feeding my soul with creativity, I AM regularly feeding my soul with constant care and love for my children. Do I go to bed every night thinking ”wow, I was really an amazing mom today!”, no, I never will. But I am doing what feels right and truly living in answered prayer daily. I just pray God’s grace showers over my every and many mistakes.

I’ve been abundantly thankful for the group of women I’ve grown friendships with over the past two years. I had begun to believe I was meant for a solitary motherhood journey with only the bubble of my family, but remained steadfast in prayer. God heard me and now I get to do motherhood in community with likeminded women. Women who don’t judge (at least not obviously, haha) the state of my home but instead are up for a round of chaotic playtime. Women who will meet me for appetizers and drinks at Applebees when I just need a moment. Women who will buy me laundry detergent in a time of desperation. Women who pray for me and I them. It truly is a blessing to have them.

My home is in shambles but recently I’ve learned to rest more. Maybe it feels like my priorities are off because laundry is piled everywhere. But I think they may actually be in the right order when I allow myself to get in a workout instead of clean and spend time teaching my children instead of declutter. When I spend time playing our favorite game with my husband instead of mopping the kitchen floor. I’ll get my house clean soon enough.

On that note I have had a hard time finding any semblance of rhythm in our days/weeks and that has been a struggle. I thrive in routine and having no clear routine the past several months has taken its toll on me and our home. While I want to prioritize other things, I do still value a clean and visually peaceful home. I think my family does too. A goal of mine is to get that in order in the next month or two (or three, with the holidays a routine will be hard either way).

Here’s to dedicating more time to feeding my soul through writing. And here’s to taking a nap when my husband has given me the opportunity to do so.