November 27th, 2020

The Story of When My Life Changed Forever

On November 20th, 2020 I sat in a little room on crinkly paper. I was 35 weeks and 1 day pregnant. I was so uncomfortable, hot, exhausted, and so ready for Thanksgiving break. I pretty much just sat at work, taught during my sessions, and put my feet up every change I got. I had just had my cervix checked, I was at 2 cm still. Early in the week I had had a growth scan, and as always enjoyed seeing my beautiful baby boys. Oliver's growth had lagged behind, by several ounces. I wasn't sure what that would mean. Keep them in as long as absolutely possible? Take them early? I was so worried Oliver would be sent to the NICU for his size. While I was worried, I was so so so ready to meet my boys.

My doctor came in, sat down, and said, “We will be scheduling you for an induction on November 26th!”

Tears streamed down my face. This was finally happening. My husband and I would finally meet these two mysterious little humans living inside me. Oliver’s placenta was slowing down, and he was not growing as he should be. It was going to be better for him that we deliver early, because he would grow better outside of the womb rather than inside. It was somewhat scary, but overall I was so excited to finally know when I was going to hold my babies in my arms. After the appointment I drove back to work and told my husband and my mom. I was absolutely giddy. Overwhelmed. There was no fear. I had been preparing my whole life to give birth and be a mother. I had spent 9 months growing these children and I was without a doubt 100% ready. My mom on the other hand, when I told her, was so anxious and worried. Excited, but her motherhood instincts couldn't help but be worried for me, as her first birth experience was very traumatic and life threatening.

On November 26th, Thanksgiving day, we woke up around 6:30 am and put our bags in the car. I ate some oatmeal, knowing I wouldn't be able to eat until those babies were born. We drove to the hospital, and excitedly checked in at 8:00 am. Surprisingly I was able to sleep through the night before, probably because I was constantly so tired it didn't matter how excited I was!

Once we got up to our room and settled in, I dawned the glamorous hospital gown and took one final bump picture.

Now, I had imagined getting to the hospital at 8:00 am and being induced by 8:30. Lol. That didn’t happen. The wait felt like forever because we were ready to get this show on the road! We sat around and looked for the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on the TV. Finally, after what felt like 10 years, my doctor came and I got my IV, baby monitors, and Pitocin going. I had already had some mild contractions and was dilated to a 3. I had prayed that this would be zip zap zoom fast. I did NOT want to be in labor for days and days, like I had read some inductions can take.

After a while they came in and pumped up my Pitocin a bit more. And a bit more. My contractions weren't super regular, but they were decently uncomfortable.

The entire time they had to monitor the babies' hearts because I was high risk (twins are high risk no matter what) and had mild preeclampsia. It was so annoying because the boys wanted to kick and move and every time they did they bumped the monitors off. I also had to be unhooked to go to the bathroom AND each time I did go to the bathroom, the nurse had to readjust the heart rate monitors again. If I wanted to roll over or change positions, the nurse had to come in a readjust the monitors AGAIN. It meant I had to stay still pretty much the whole time, And if you’ve ever been pregnant and in labor, that is SUPER uncomfortable. Hospital beds SUCK and I had to lay still. The weight of my giant belly holding two babies put so much pressure on my lower back that it was more painful than contractions. I also think it made my back labor worse. I had to ask my husband or a nurse to rotate me any time I needed to move (because my stomach was gigantic), which, after hours of being in bed became about every 30-45 minutes. I waited as long as I could but the pressure was intense on my lower back. My sweet husband would massage as much as he could, but the issue was the 10 pounds of babies in me.

At about 1 pm, a nurse came and checked me. I had been having pretty painful contractions and hoped beyond hope that I had made some progress, at least 1 cm. I was STILL at 3 cm. I was disappointed, but not too disappointed. I wasn’t expecting it to go too quickly. They upped my Pitocin some more, I ate some chicken broth, and we continued watching "The Office marathon on TV and playing "Friends" trivia. I tried to nap but let’s be real, when you are having contractions, napping is nearly impossible.

Hours later, not much had happened. I watched my husband eat some Thanksgiving dinner and I had another jello and some ginger ale.

Sometime in the evening (I have no idea what time, maybe 5 or 6pm? I wish I had written some of it down), they checked me again. I was STILL at 3 cm. I couldn’t help but cry at this point. Contractions had only gotten more intense and while I didn’t think I was fully dilated, I had hoped to have gotten to 4 or 5 cm. Ugh. All this pain and no progress. They decided to break my water and give me a peanut ball to hopefully help open things up.

Lemme tell ya, having your water broken is the STRANGEST experience. It is also more disgusting than peeing yourself. It was soooo weird. I didn’t mind though, I knew that often times when your water breaks, things get moving. And boy did they. It wasn’t much longer that the contractions got super, super hard and intense. They were coming pretty quickly, and they definitely felt like they should be making changes.

While I was not scared for any part of the actual delivery, I was so nervous to get an epidural (highly recommended for a twin delivery, in case of an emergency cesarean section). I was mostly scared that I would have a contraction and not be able to stay still. After a few hours of hard, painful contractions, I asked for the epidural. If I let the contractions get any worse I definitely wouldn’t have been able to stay still for the epidural. I could have endured them for a few more hours, but I didn't want to wait until it was too late.

I got the epidural around 8:30/9 pm. It wasn’t as scary as I anticipated, and I’m 90% sure they turned down the Pitocin so I wouldn’t have any contractions. I simply closed my eyes and leaned into my husband until it was placed. The pain was bad, the worst part was when I moved to sit up and amniotic fluid leaked all over the floor.

Let me tell you, epidurals are wonderful. Going au natural, experiencing the "pressure" (that's a load of hooey, IT IS PAIN, I don't care what birthing books say), is all good and stuff, but epidurals are mag-i-cal. After laboring for 12 hours with no progress, at this point, I was exhausted and unmotivated. The nurse (she was an absolute angel) had checked me again right before the epidural and I was still at 3 cm. I knew that even if an epidural wasn’t highly recommended, I’d still get one because who knows how much longer it would have taken my body to get ready.

After the epidural was placed I felt goooooood. I couldn’t feel the back pain I'd had all day, and I was able to relax. I think that’s why my body started making progress, because I was able to relax and let my body do it’s job rather than tense up from the pain. I did try my hardest to relax and open up with each contraction before but it wasn’t happening. The best part? Around 10:00 pm, I fell asleep. A good thing I got those few hours of sleep because I had a LOT of work ahead of me. Around 1 am I woke up purely from excitement. My husband was sound asleep so I just scrolled on my phone because I couldn't fall back to sleep. The nurse flipped me over a couple times to keep my epidural evened out (which didn’t end up working). The last time I flipped, the nurse told me that if I felt like I was going to poop, to call her because that means it’s time. Around 1:30 am, I suddenly felt like I had to poop. I called her and she checked me, I was at 10 cm and ready to go! Hallelujah. LET'S GO BABIES!

This was the most nerve wracking hour. We had to wait for both of the OBGYNs (two babies, two OBGYNS,) and the pediatricians (2 babies, 2 pediatricians), and the anesthesiologist to come, as well as all of the other nurses. I believe there was one or two pediatric nurses for each baby, and some extra L&D nurses. I was ready to push and was afraid I wouldn’t be able to wait for anyone to show up.

At this point the left side of my body had started to wake up, and I pressed my little button to get more meds going, knowing the pain I was about to endure. I was also in transition and I got extremely nauseous and began shaking uncontrollably (very normal since the amount of hormones in my body at that point was insane). I had asked for a barf bag and my nurse (who, again, was so incredibly sweet) told me that if I could help it, to NOT throw up. She said the force of vomiting could possibly push baby A (Oliver) out. Turns out it was going to take a lot more than throwing up to get Oliver Skye to this world.

After what felt like forever of laying in bed talking to my husband, trying not to throw up, they wheeled me down to the operating room. It was exciting, and the first time I laid on my back in months! It is standard for a high risk twin pregnancy to deliver in an operating room, so that if an emergency c-section becomes necessary there is no wait time in between. As we all made our way down to the operating room, I had no idea the immense pain I was about to go through. I also had no idea of the amazing, incredible experience it would be.

When we got to the operating room, Josh left to go get into his scrubs. They transferred me to the (very uncomfortable) operating/delivery table. Once they did this, I was so nauseous. The nurses and my OBGYN were busy preparing things and getting my still numb legs into the stirrups. I couldn't keep it in anymore and I just started saying "Uhm I'm going to throw up, I'm going to throw up" because I didn't *really* want to throw up all over myself. Thankfully the anesthesiologist was behind me monitoring my epidural (I guess? It wasn't working by this point so I'm not exactly sure what he did back there) and he handed me a barf bag that I got *most* of the vomit into. It also got all over my hair. I was more annoyed that I had thrown up for the first time in years. For 15 weeks I was extremely nauseous 24/7 and never threw up, but I threw up right before delivery.

I don't really remember much else leading up to the time I started pushing. At first the pushing felt gradual, not too intense but still painful. The epidural hadn't completely stopped working, but about 30 minutes in I could feel everything. In hindsight, it didn't *feel* as long as it was. I just remember being so incredibly hot and just saying "get this gown off of me! I'm so hot!" The nurse helped me get it off and was feeding my ice chips. I don't remember much while pushing Oliver out, but I do remember pushing three times every contraction for 10 seconds each, and those were the longest ten seconds ever. I felt like my nurse was counting SO SLOW. I also remember between contractions saying to my husband, "AND I STILL HAVE TO PUSH ANOTHER BABY OUT AFTER THIS ONE!"

I don't remember why, but I do remember that my oxygen levels kept dropping so they gave me a cannula. It was so annoying to have that thing on my face while pushing but thankfully the anesthesiologist behind me kept fixing it for me.

After two of the longest, most exhausting hours (so I thought) of my life, I felt little Oliver crowning and the wonderful ring of fire. While it was extremely painful, it was also so motivating. I wanted the pain over and I wanted to get my little boy out. FINALLY, on November 27, 2020, at 4:10 am, my little angel baby, Oliver Skye Beedy, entered the world and they finally handed him to me after hours and hours of hard work. His head was very cone-y and he was slimy but he was the most precious and beautiful thing I had ever laid my eyes on. I truly thought that I would bawl my eyes out when they handed me, but I was just relieved to be half way done and have my baby safely here. My husband on the other hand was definitely sobbing. Once our skin to skin time was over and Josh cut his cord, they took him away to clean him up. I was not done yet, the hardest was yet to come!

Thankfully, though I was still having contractions, my doctor let me rest for a few more minutes and Josh was over with Oliver. When I was ready (I was ready to get it over with, and hoping little Asa would come more quickly than his brother), I started pushing again. At this point I was incredibly exhausted, and tried to "sleep" between contractions. I didn't actually sleep, but I had to keep my eyes closed. I kept asking Josh how Oliver was doing each time I had a chance. My husband was amazing through it and was just everything I needed. He held my hand and quietly encouraged me, distracted me when I needed it.

Pushing Asa was hard. His heart rate dropped a couple of times and I had to roll on my side to push, which was way harder than pushing on my back. He was also sunny side up (face up instead of face down) and his head was stuck on my pubic bone which made it extremely challenging. I told my doctor after pushing for another hour that I wanted to get Asa out by 6 am. I kept asking her if I was making progress, and I also kept asking her if I had pooped. There are so many liquids coming out of you during delivery, I wasn't sure what all was coming out of me (TMI LOL). I actually really wanted to poop during labor so that I didn't have to be worried about constipation afterward.

Well, 6 a.m. rolled around after I kept pushing, eating ice chips, and sleeping during contractions. Asa was still in there. I told my doctor and Josh, "Okay, maybe he will be out by 6:30." It was a bit before 6:30 and I was more tired than I had ever been in my entire life. I wasn't sure how I could get through this. Asa needed to get out at this point, he was under so much stress and the longer it took the worse it was for him. I didn't know if I could keep pushing, I didn't have much strength left. I was about to ask my doctor if there was anyway to move this process along, anything we can do to get him out faster. I was worried that we would end up having to have a C-section anyway. Before I could ask, she said that we would need to use the vacuum to get him out. While I was worried about the repercussions of the vacuum, I didn't think I could get him out on my own. I was just so tired. She attached the vacuum to his head, and on my next contraction I pushed as hard as I could.

On November 27, 2020, at 6:34 am, Asa Scott Beedy entered the world and I finally held him in my arms after hours and hours of hard work. His head was oddly shaped because of the vacuum and he had a bruise on his head. I held him for a minute and then they whisked him away to clean him up. While I delivered the placentas (you give birth to two children and your job still isn't done!), I waited for them to bring him back wrapped up so I could kiss him like I did Oliver. Little did I know the difficult journey that awaited us with Asa.

Haha, this photo...I thought I was smiling SO BIG, but when I looked back I was barely smiling because my face was so incredibly swollen.

I wanted to hold them forever, but I was so exhausted that I after a while I was worried that I was going to drop them.

November 26-27 of 2020 were the hardest, most exhausting days of my life. They were also the most amazing days of my life. Even though there was so much pain, I wish I could go back to the moment when I felt my little babies come into the world and into my arms.

Little did I know that less than 48 hours later I would be saying goodbye to my little Asa in an isolate, strapped to a gurney to be transferred to the NICU 2.5 hours away. But that's a story for another day, a story I am not ready to write yet.

Motherhood is amazing. I am so thankful for my twin baby boys. I can't wait to celebrate November 27th for the rest of my life, the day my life changed forever.