Covid-19 Chronicles: Trusting in Jesus
We've been under stay at home orders since March 15. Almost three entire months. Most of that time I haven't experience much fear. Until of course baby came along, and even then is was caution, not fear. This week, I have been genuinely fearful. My parents both got the virus, and my Dad has been struggling. He went to the hospital yesterday (thankfully nothing was serious enough for them to give him medication or admit him). The entire time, the worst case scenario went through my mind. What if he was admitted? What if he is one of the people who randomly take it really hard, and he is in the hospital for weeks? I can't even type the worst of the worst. It's been scary.
I've been selfishly afraid too. What if I got it? What if it hurts my baby? No one knows how it affects unborn babies as young as mine. What if I have to say goodbye before I even get to say hello? What if something else is wrong with my baby? What if their heart hasn't formed correctly, and their chances of survival are low? What if I just randomly miscarry? What if everything is normal up until delivery and I have a stillbirth?
I've been fearful about our new venture into becoming homeowners. It's terrifying, making such a huge commitment. What if our house is a money pit? What if it falls through, and we have to spend months looking for something else? What if we don't find something before baby comes and I've gotten my hopes up just to be disappointed? Gosh, what if we lose our jobs in the future and have to foreclose?
I've been fearful about the world we are living in. What if these uprisings lead to something more violent and dangerous. How am I supposed to help? How am I supposed to make change? What am I supposed to say?
It's a scary time for everyone. We don't know anything. We can't trust media, or our government. We don't know when we will be able to shop regularly, we don't know if we will live normally again, we don't know who we love will get sick, we don't know what next month will look like, we don't know anything.
The one thing that has been whispered in my ear over and over and over and over and over again is this,
"Trust me."
God has been pushing me to put my trust in Him more fully. He truly is the only solid ground, unchanging source of comfort. He is in control. He knows.
He knows the outcome for my dad, and I can trust Him to still be good no matter what happens.
He knows the outcome for my baby, and I can trust Him to still love me no matter what happens.
He knows the outcome of our home buying venture, and I can trust Him to still provide our needs.
He knows the outcome of the uprisings, and I can trust Him to still desire for all to turn to Him in repentance.
He knows the outcome of the election, and I can trust Him to still do His will.
Every day it seems I have to actively say "I trust you in this, Lord." That is something this 22 year old hasn't had to do very often.
Yesterday, as fear of all the above riddled my heart and my mind, this song came on. It was an amazing reminder to my weary soul. I pray it encourages you too.
"You are the still, still waters to my soul
I will rest in Your love
I will be still and know You are in control
I will rest in Your love"
We can rest during this time because we know two things for sure:
God does, and always will love us.
God is, and always will be, in control.
I pray that we can live normally again soon, but if not, I can still trust God through it all.
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