A Change in Perspective

hey there hi there ho there! I thought this week's post would just be a chat about motherhood, perspective, and getting through the hard parts. The past several weeks of momming have been tough. From getting mastitis at the end of April until now I haven't gotten much sleep. I'm still struggling pretty hard with post partum anxiety, and sleep deprivation doesn't make that any easier to deal with.

Two weekends ago I was just ready to throw in the towel (I mean not really, because I love my kids more than anything in the world), but I knew something had to change. I was reading all about sleep training methods, trying to figure out a plan that would get us more sleep without killing us to get there. Then I had a conversation with a twin mom friend and something finally changed.

It was my perspective. I realized I was putting pressure on us to sleep train even though that wasn't what I wanted to do. I thought that I wanted to sleep train before, I thought it was the "right" thing to do. It turns out, I didn't want to let my baby lay in their crib and cry until they fell asleep. (Now, I'm not saying anything against sleep training! I think its great when it is the right option for your family, but it wasn't right for mine). Sure, I wanted sleep, but I wanted my babies to know they are loved, safe, and that I will always be there for them more than I wanted sleep.

Suddenly, things got easier. Did their sleep change? Nope, we've had only 2 or 3 "good" nights all month. My perspective changed, my expectation changed, and it has made it SO MUCH EASIER to handle their night wakings. I will admit sometimes I cry in the middle of the night nursing, because I just. want. to. sleep. Then I press my lips against their sweet cheeks as they sigh deeply, feeling safe in my arms, and realize that it is worth every single second of lost sleep. Not to say that everything is completely easy, most days I am drained and emotional and my brain doesn't work very well. My heart though, is full.

I thought I would share three ways my perspective has shifted in terms of motherhood that might help you make it through the tougher seasons too.

1 // Time Flies

This lessoned is learned quickly as a first time parent. I mean, my boys are already turning 6 months old this week and it feels like yesterday I was laying in the hospital bed waiting for their arrival. It is important to shift our perspective to understand how truly short each stage is. In the moment it can feel like the days are dragging on, but before you know it your kindergartener is in 5th grade and your baby is running around in the backyard climbing trees.

2 // You are Needed

When your child is struggling, no matter the age, it is because they need you in some aspect. Whether they are 5 months old and teething and just need to be comforted. Or they are 10 years old and acting out at school because they are learning that friends aren't always friends. Maybe you have a toddler who loves to push every button because they need to know you will stand firm in your boundaries and keep them safe. Whatever parenthood looks like for you (this is for the dads too!), whatever hardship it is bringing (because there is always one!), you are oh so needed. You are the one that can kiss the booboo, hold the tween who has had her first heartbreak, guide the son to treat women with respect. You can Be the safe haven who went out into the world and got lost and needs a place to reconfigure. When it is hard, that is when you are most needed. That can be weary sometimes, but how special is it that God gave you this human that needs you more than they need anything or anyone?

3 // Only You Know What is Best

I follow a mom on Instagram (@balkanina) and her brand is "Mama Knows" and it is so true! I have spent so much time researching, questioning what is right or wrong. There is now right or wrong! The experts may have theories but they are not an expert with YOUR child. Trust your gut, because the choices you make for your child are the best choices for them. You know what is best for your babies, no one else does.

I feel like these are all lessons you can hear before you become a parent and think "obviously!" But you can't truly learn these lessons until you are actually living in the struggle. I partly feel embarrassed that this hasn't been my perspective all along in this parenting journey, but then again I have never been a parent before. We have to be easy on ourselves as moms, and as first time moms realize it is okay to not know everything. I pray this post may have encouraged you if you are in a tough spot and gave you the perspective shift you needed.

Until next time, remember that you can do hard things!