What's On My Mind: Weary But Ready
Hi Friends!
It's been a hot minute. I'm not exactly sure how long a "hot minute" is, but I was silent all of last week, so it feels like it has been forever since I wrote to you here. I'm not sure if it was the winter blues, the remnants of a cold, or the heart breaking news in New York, but I just needed to be quiet. Maybe it was all of those things together, but I just felt weary in my soul. I had physical energy to go about my day, but I was just weary. I couldn't formulate any good thoughts to put down on paper or here.
Do you ever have those days, or weeks? Where you aren't necessarily too tired to work or exercise or take care of your home and people, but your heart is just heavy and weary? That's where I was, just spiritual restlessness. Though I filled myself up every morning and spoke with the Father every day, I was just weary. I did read in my devotions on Friday to be still and see God work, so perhaps that was just what God was having me do. Standing still to let Him take care of things without me getting in the way. Perhaps He just wanted me to watch Him fill the empty vessels instead of my clumsy hand spilling half of it on the floor.
The news of last week definitely presses heavily onto my heart, like an elephant sitting on my chest. I hate politics and discussions of politics, but this is just so much more. This is beyond political and is downright wickedness. The idea of abortion cuts my heart deeply, and the increasing popularity of abortion just brought me down in brokenness. I think it is okay for me to mourn the destruction of our country and the loss of millions of lives that could have been lived for His glory. Jeremiah lamented over the destruction of Israel, so I am not going to fight the tears that fall in disgust over this genocide. It just makes me sad. There are just times in my life where the injustices of this world overwhelm me like a flood waters flowing past a broken dam. I know there is hope, I know there is victory, I know the end of this battle will end well. but the journey there will be hard.
(this cute coffee cup and other fun treats from my best friend definitely brightened up my week!).
Last week was also a week of un-productivity. I can't think of a day in which I got a lot of things done, and I can only remember the days in which I got nothing done. While it wasn't a good thing, it has filled me with motivation to do better today and tomorrow and the rest of the week. Some days I just have such a hard time staying motivated and focused, particularly during the two hours of nap time, the time when I should be the most productive! It is difficult when I don't always have something to work on or towards, but I try to find things to accomplish. This week will be better because I will try hard with a renewed mind!
Next week I will update you on the goals I set for January and I will tell you my new goals for February! I'll just say that not all goals were met...and that's okay haha.
Thank you for letting me just, air out my mind and get some things off my chest. Part of the reason for my silence here last week was because I couldn't find the value in my thoughts and words. That wasn't true at all. Though not a lot read my words, and few care, it is still good for my heart to write them down anyway. Thanks for reading my words despite their randomness.
Here is to another week, a better week, a blessed week, a happy week, a productive week, and a joy filled week! May you be filled and joyful and rested!
