Loss and Hope

I sat at the drive through of Wendy's, holding back tears, trying to hold myself together until after I received my food. Today, my heart is deeply saddened by yet another loss. A family friend's body finally gave into the devastation of cancer. Her spirit left her body and entered the gates of heaven, leaving those she loved the most behind to grieve her death. She struggled for a long time, and I imagine that she fought the good fight. I imagine the Lord called her good and faithful. She left behind a husband, who had passion and zeal for the Kingdom of God. Three beautiful daughters, two son-in-laws, and a handsome grand baby boy.

I can't stop imagining the loss and grief and hurt they are feeling today. I imagine as a I read their posts, the tears that must be rolling down their faces, because tears are surely running down mine.

Hurt--it comes so quickly and leaves so slowly.

I wondered if I had just prayer more, harder, longer, more fervently, if God would have healed her body. The truth is, I could have fasted and prayed for days and it still would have been God's will that she be taken up into heaven. Loss, though we may try and try, is often unavoidable.

For me, the loss of this woman is heartbreaking. However, I will only feel a fraction of the pain her family will feel. Me? In a few weeks, I probably won't think about it often, and I doubt that I will shed many more tears. Not because it is any less sad, but because I am so distant.

Her family, her daughters and husband and grand son will feel the pain of loss for days, weeks, years to come. The grandchildren to come will miss their grandmother, the daughter yet to be married will miss the Mother of the Bride moments.

It won't go away, it won't pass. Not quickly, and not soon.

It is the beginning of a long, painful journey for this sweet family. The destruction of cancer is so cruel and unfair. Who is to say that we will be spared? We never think that it will be us or someone we love, but too often it is.

There is comfort, yes. Comfort of heaven and the Holy Spirit. I know without a doubt that this family will heal and God will take them into His arms to comfort them. I know that they will honor God in her passing, that they will seek His word for promises of love. Still, the pain will echo long in their hearts. That is what breaks mine. That I will be okay soon, that my life will simply go on while theirs is paused with mourning.

I thank God for His mercy on my life. That He has spared me the deep feeling of loss for now. I have lost people I love, but not at such a heart wrenching time. The Owens, they are missing their mother. Their wife. Their sister. Their grandmother. God has mercy. He does. He spared her from any more suffering and healed her for eternity. His mercy is great and good and constant. Though we may lose, God's mercy is never ending. She sees God's mercy first hand today. God's mercy will continue to pour out on the family. It will be hard. But God has more mercy.

Today, seek. That's all I ask of you. Seek.

Seek those you love. Pursue them, speak to them, listen to them.

Hold their hand. Kiss their cheek.

Tell them goodnight.

Tell them you love them.

Hold them close.

Enjoy them.

Seek God.

Seek his guidance and love and promises. He will really be the only One to carry you all the way through.

Seek.

If you feel led, pray for the Owens family in their time of loss and grief.

-Kaydee