The Struggle Is Real - Bear With Me

The past few years have been a struggle for me in the writing area. I have never stopped loving this hobby, desire, or whatever you call it. However, I have been in the biggest slump. I begin writing, decide I hate it, and close my laptop for another 4 months or so. It all started when I was a full-time student--who wants to write when that is literally all you do with your time? I'm not a full-time student, or even a student right now (should I even get into that? It always gives me all these bad, negative feelings that I would rather not deal with) so I thought I would dedicate all that free time to writing (and planning a wedding). I attempted it back in February and it did not bode well. I ended up really disliking my website and the content I was posting. It always looked cheap and seemed insincere. So, here I am, once again re-designing and re-writing.

I tried to write yesterday, and I just really couldn't do it. Today, I decided to try again, and instead of trying to pretend like I thought my writing was good, I decided to be honest. I'm not where I am in regards to writing but I know that continuing to avoid it for another year will only make it worse.

I want to dedicate more time and effort to this space, I want to make it feel and look good. I want you to get excited for an upcoming post. I want you and I both to feel lighter, freer, and lifted up after we have left here. I want to fill it with photos of adventures and pieces about Jesus and what He's teaching me.

I don't want to do this for monetary reasons. I honestly never have wanted to monetize my blog (although it would be nice to have extra cash!). I simply want to be a better writer, and maybe make a difference in one person's world. Whether I made you laugh or whether I just encouraged you a little bit, that's all I want. I was thinking last night about how I got a message from a friend a few years ago letting me know that my blog has encouraged her sister who was struggling with depression. Even that one person makes it worth it.

I think a large part of my struggle is that I feel that my posts have to fit within a certain category, and that my list of categories has to be limited. Is this post a devotional, a favorites, a fitness post, an advice post, random thoughts? Where does it fit? The truth is, it doesn't have to fit anywhere. This is my site, my space, and I can write what I want. I think that I have been trying to conform to the typical blogger style and content, but I really should just stick to what I enjoy writing. I am not a beauty guru or a fashion blogger. I'm just someone here to write about my life and adventures. I don't *have* to have a beautifully seamless Instagram theme or the most *stylish* outfits. I just have to enjoy it.

So yes, the struggle is real. Even with a long list of post ideas sitting next to me, writing is difficult. But if something doesn't challenge you, doesn't make you work hard and question yourself, is it really a worthy cause? I hope and pray I continually get better at writing. I just wish you would bear with me, through more changes visually, more changes within my writing, and more changes within myself.

Here is to learning to enjoy this space together. I hope and pray that we each enjoy this little virtual coffee corner.

Until next time,

-Kaydee